blessing? and blessed!!!

Why, when I ask for blessings does the Lord not send the blessings I am requesting, would like, want, need, or can even handle, but no, sends the blessings I would rather not face right now, would rather not have to walk through, would rather hide my head from?  I have come to understand that these times are blessings too, they are blessings for me, and for those I love, even though I do not want them, they are still mine to have.  I am being blessed to stretch myself, groaning, creaking, aching and tired, toward the Lord, allowing him to shape me into a different mommy, wife and daughter than I really want to be, and someday I will truly see what a great blessing this is, right now, it just hurts.  I will bless those around me with my faith, strength, calm and patience, these do not come from me, all I want to do is stomp my feet, yell a bit and have a quick cry, but I can’t, others need me, so my Lord steps in and blesses me so I can bless others.  I really don’t want these blessings, not this way, but now I have them, I need to learn how to live with them, rejoice in them, be content with them, but ohhh, it is hard!!!!!

This though, this is a blessing, my sweet Little Man, too big now to curl up on momma’s lap easily, to old for naps, but snuggles, never too old for that, ohhhh, my sweet boy, you are a blessing!!!


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