continuing in my mental rambling

Hubby and I always have a plan, we plan out our lives on long car rides, in the old days it was on long motorcycle rides, but we planned. Even in our wildest dreams we never could have planned out the last few years of our lives. Even last year we could not have planned for the life we are about to begin, we were blindsided, and had to bobble, and wobble around a bit to find our even balance again.
Hubs and I had long discussed adoption, but it was always with the thought of the foster system. When I secretly began to troll adoption sites at 2 am I looked at lots of foster info, and domestic adoption, native american child adoption, and then finally int’l adoption. I was not an immediate convert since there were so many children waiting here in the US for homes, but finally I stumbled onto Ethiopia, and I felt this connection, like a light went on, and I could not stop staring at these beautiful babies and kids. I know this sounds shallow, but I had at that point looked at tons of pretty babies, so these were extraordinary to me, and I felt something for them, and this I pursued. This moment, in the dead of the night was another “entry point”, and I walked right on through that doorway thinking Hubs and I had it made and soon we would complete our family!! Yeah right, now i needed to learn patience and humility.
When hubs and I began and turned in our dossier we were assured it would be a quick referral wait, siblings are harder to place, so we prepared ourselves for a short wait, and prayed for a young sibling set. I was hoping for an infant, I wanted to try adoptive nursing(sadly I have been betrayed by my body again, and no longer have any expectations of it!). Hubby and I had no worries about our wait, we assumed we would travel before Christmas and be a happy little family, but as the weeks wore on we began to doubt, and question, and lose faith. This began another “entry point” and we transitioned into more spiritual and quietly faithful people.

This summer my job afforded me the luxury of sleeping in at the morning, except Sunday, every Sunday I felt compelled to get up and get ready for church. Fancy Miss and I went to church, listened to the sermon, and was soothed and restored. I grew up in church, I enjoyed church, but this past year has taught me that I need church and my faith in the divine to help me through. Hubby is now known to quote Bible passages(not always accurately, but very glibly!), and while he seems a bit off the cuff and flip about it, his faith is very real, and important to him, and has sustained him through a period when he felt lost and floundering. We never thought that the church we joined, mostly because I wanted Fancy Miss to have a good understanding of religion and God, would turn out to save us from wallowing and falling apart. Over the long months of waiting I would fervently pray that we would get t referral soon, and the Sundays in church would restore my equilibrium and I would feel refreshed, I never expected this, but am grateful for it.
Then our referral came, I read the whole report(20 or more pages) before looking at the kids photos. Once I read the report I understood why we had to wait so long, it was clear, and I was glad for our wait. If we had received this referral months before we might not have been so open to it. The referral was all wrong compared to what we had said we requested, but somehow upon reading it it felt so very right, their ages, medical backgrounds, everything, they were meant for us, and we had just had to wait until they were ready for us. At the same time we had to be ready for them, and God knew in the beginning we were not ready for these kids.  He allowed them more time with the family they loved, so because we struggled they had a bit more precious time with family, so our wait was not in vain, it was important for us to grow, ( this part may be hard for our children to read when they are older, but I am glad that we waited, and I am eternally grateful that we grew and our hearts opened to broader possiblities, and that our lives will be blessed with them in it!)
All of these entry points are leading to a big entry point(the Bole airport gates!), and Hubs and I are looking forward with hope and anticipation, and know that we have our faith, family and church behind us to sustain us, so all of our floundering, fumbling and wandering was not in vain, it was the path we were meant to take;
“I shall be saying this with a sigh,
somewhere ages and ages hence
two roads diverged in a wood and I-
I took the road less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Robert Frost
We are on a path less taken, and happy to be away from the hustle and bustle, and enjoying the scenery and birdsong. We are following a path we know has been laid out for us, and will be happy to walk along as long as we are together. Hubby and I meeting and falling in love was the first and best entry point of our lives!
love and hugs to all, and thanks for wandering, Mamalove

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