Who says homesteading can’t be chic and fashion forward, obviously they have not seen me out in the chicken yard, in my fancy schmancy muck boots!!;-)  Come on over, check ‘em out, be filled with envy, then run out and find yourself a pair.  This is a groundbreaking trend I am starting here folks, jump on board now!!!

Ps, the girls all love them, both feathery, Sparkles and Fancy, they just love them!!

The post the urban homestead, in style appeared first on A Families Love.

Sparkles was really good at hiding, and camouflaging herself behind a facade of what she thought we wanted, really, really good.  So good that it took 6 months to truly see it, and nearly a year to figure out where to start and what we could do.  Just writing this makes my heart cramp, knowing it took us that long to find her, months before we even knew we had to send out a search party to rescue her, and all the while she stayed hidden, just watching us, waiting, for what, I am not really sure, and she does not talk about that time easily, or with great clarity.

It was so long before we really saw this happening,and longer still to help her to find her own “true” voice.  Finding her own voice was really the first step we took toward truly parenting her therapeutically, helping her to decide what she wanted or did not want.  She had lived so long without a voice, without options, even before she came home, there were no options.  This is a painful, but very real fact of her life, while in Ethiopia, she was simply a capable child, who could, and did, care for her brother, with no other choice, noone to talk to, noone to learn from.

This reality, and the toll it takes on a young and growing mind, it cannot be overstated, this stunts growth, for some kids it is something they never recover from fully, it narrows their focus in life, until they almost have tunnel vision.  It is our job to expand the tunnel through which they see, as much as possible, we need to tear down the walls they insulate themselves with, brick by brick, so that they can see the larger world around them, and the possibilities, of which they have never dreamed existed.  But now I am ahead of myself, in the beginning it was much more simplified, much more basic and infant/toddler like learning, challenging with a 5 year old, so say the least!!

During this time we worked to “create comforts” as well, and I think that this really helped to cement a bond, that was solely ours, something tangible that was timeless and could be returned to again and again.  I chose Brahms’ lullaby and a blankie as our comfort, and still to this day I will hum this tune when Sparkles is sleeping restlessly, and it soothes her.  I would often sneak into her bed at night, lie next to her, curve her sleeping self up against me, and hum, waking her just enough to know it was me, and then soothe her back to sleep.  This sounds crazy, but this is a memory she still has, a very clear one, of my waking her, and singing to her, and then later on, of my being there when she was scared, and crying, singing that same tune.

We realized after a year we were trying to almost rewire and retrain a 5 year olds brain, and it is a challenge, especially when your 5 year old is groomed, and geared to be a worker, it was all she knew, so to do this non-essential work, to her was foolish, and she told me so, quite clearly:-)  To begin we had to play games, made us games, silly games, and we used her little brother as the tool for these games.  We started it by just offering choices, to him, in a  ”you can choose this or that, which is the one you like?” format.  Since Sparkles had been deprived she would take anything, and she had little ability to differentiate what she wanted, so seeing choices offered was a ground breaking concept for her, one she grew to like, and slowly she would choose her favorites, and even say “no” to certain items, huge!!

After that we moved onto giving names to feelings, her feelings, they had been repressed and muffled, and now let out they at times flooded her, so we also had to work on coping with these feelings.  For this we used the therapy trick of stuffed animals and baby dolls, and what would they say and do, what happens when mocha bear cries because he is sad, or what do you do when you are angry at something that baby bear says, lots of acting it out.  The bears hit each other, bit, and cried, but no fluff was shed to resolve their dilemmas, and Sparkles learned techniques for dealing with the turmoil inside.  I reenacted scenes we had recently lived, and we played it out again, with a better outcome, which usually ended with my comforting many crying bears, and eventually one crying girl, sigh, progress.

Also at this stage came good games like charades, where I made up cards, and each person had to act it out, Sparkles struggled to pantomime what she was told to do, unless it was anger, so she was given lots of empathy cards, like “rocking a baby” “comforting your sister”, “cheering for daddy” , etc.  Also Guess Who is a good game, it forces kids who are used to surviving, to look at people, and recognize distinctions between them, not just basic “fight, flight, or freeze” but variations in the expressions on the cards, these are also safe because they are cartoons and noone we know, that we could possibly disappoint.

Right about this time too I learned a truly valuable lesson that I have stood by and use every day still.  Kids from “hard places” are used to doing real work, and we need to give them a job, or task. Key to this is expectation, with a low expectation you will only ear disrespect and poor attitude.  As I have learned to my own detriment, if I asked Sparkles to do a job, and she did it poorly, but I said it was good, well then she quickly lost all respect and trust iN me.  She knows when the job is well done, she knew what it meant to work hard, she had to do it right, and on her own, and was trusted to do it correctly to help support the family.  So for me to now allow lax work, it was inviting dissension and regression.  Real jobs, with reasonable expectations are the only way to go we have found, Sparkles flourishes under this, she likes knowing the expectations, limits, boundaries, and the happiness of a job well done, serving the family.  I had to learn that kids from hard places struggle with being needed, and often confuse it with being wanted and loved, but since they are so intertwined, require you “needing them to help out” in order to trust that they have a place and belong, they feel this long before they feel loved for themselves.  Years after coming home Sparkles finally felt loved enough, and confident enough to not have to be the “do-er”, but it took years of doing and working to get to that point!!

Kids who have grown up fast, or are from “hard places” are every age under the sun, and regress from tween to infant in less than a minute.  They have the big emotions of a younger child, and the “world wary” eyes of a much older one.  Convincing her of our love and commitment is an ongoing task, one we renew each night as I snuggle down next to Sparkles to ask her about her day, and read devotions.  We often discuss what the best, and worst part of her day was, exploring why they were good, or bad, how we can make them better the next day.  It is a challenge and a joy to be her mother, and help her to grow to her full potential, and I am blessed and awed each day by her tenacity!!

Fast forward to last year, and a post I wrote about Love, and how much it moves me by how far we have come, read it if you feel in need of some off beat inspiration for teaching your kids from hard places about love, sorry, just a side note, but I just reread it and it seemed important to note!

The post Parenting therapeutically, part 2 appeared first on A Families Love.

This is not an easy decision, as it does require time and effort, and brain power, all of which seem to be in short supply some days/weeks.  The time required for me is big, I am not typically a fast writer, I mull ideas for a while before they ever hit the blank whiteness if the screen.  But, I have nursed this “child” of mine through many sicknesses, changes, hiccups, the switch from blogger to WordPress, then the switch to self hosted, it is a baby to me, can I give it up?

Also, and a huge consideration for me, do I really have any reason to blog?  I mean do I contribute anything?  This is a painful question to me, as it is mostly asking, “am I one of the cool kids, am I popular enough, interesting enough, or God forbid, shocking enough?”  Painful, because in school I was not a cool kid, nor super popular, I managed to skate through college with not a single person knowing my name except my professors, and while in high school I could be shocking( it does not take a lot to shock a small town farmer community;-) I was not particularly radical either.  Now, in blogger land my followers are a tiny amount, hits per day quite low, and  comments negligible, so still, not much of a ripple in a big pond.  So, do I have anything to say that has not already been said, by much more verbose folk than I, and even if I do, does it benefit anyone, or is me writing it enough of a benefit?

Tough questions to wrestle with, no easy or comfortable answers are in sight.  I do know this though, I do not write here solely for the benefit of others, I do it for my own clarity, for my own enjoyment, and because out there somewhere is someone who really does need  to read what I have to say.  Even if it is my own children when they are older and I am senile, they will know of my love for them and commitment to them.  So for us I write.

There are others though, there must be, since in my real life I have recently been intro’d as the guru of homeschool and gardener extraordinaire:). In response to a message I sent to a friend, i got back a note of thanks, that said I always offered the tough love answers and responses.  The answers that took into account motivation and desires for self, along with Gods will, when looking at an issue or decision, and offered advice and encouragement accordingly, but pulled no punches when it came to the will of self versus the will of God.

So, I feel I do have something to contribute to this great bloggerland, and if the ideas and posts buzzing inside my head like crazed bees is any indication, I had better blog.  If only to save my sanity!!  I enjoy the “talking it out” of blogging, it is a cheap and versatile form of therapy, and I am pretty sure, without it I would require an expensive and obscene amount of therapy, just to cope.

The decision has been made last night I made the decision to continue in this journey of self discovery, called blogging, after I received an invite to an eclass on blogging, for free.  The write up on it, and thought and effort put into it, and hoped for results from doing it, all spoke to me.  I was filled with enthusiasm and curiosity, and energy for this medium, it will be interesting to learn new ways to blog and gain readership, to connect with others in a new way.  I have ideas and plans to make this work better for my schedule, to take this time for myself

This is my blog, and for all of its faults, I love it, it lets me step back and see myself, and the ideas tumbling in my brain, from a different perspective.  My hope for this blog is that it helps others, even if it is just a few others, inspires them to try something new, or forces them to look at things, and people in a different way.  I will never be the “popular” blogger, nor will I ever cause any waves in the pond, but that’s OK.  I will quietly continue to do what I do, and be who I am, and that will be good enough for me and mine.

The post To stay or not to stay, that is the question appeared first on A Families Love.

I have found, since beginning this project that my kids can often be found with the school iPad in hand, during their free time, and since there are only educational games on it, they are apparently enjoying the offerings I have loaded right now. Little Man seems to enjoy the cursive writing app, Sparkles really enjoys the puzzle games like Flow Free and the hidden pictures games, and Fancy Miss enjoys thwarting those wiley bad guys in Vesper Hunt, all good and educational plus fun to boot! Actually they like some of the games so much they have those games loaded onto their iPods too, for play when they are in the car, or just whenever they are free for computer time:-)

I hope you enjoy this listing, and as always, check to make sure that the games are free before you upload, some have a limited time that they are free, so hurry to get them all!!

Duolingo 

PC Magazine choice for top language learning app, easy to use, but challenging for all ages.  It teaches French, Spanish, German, Portuguese, both by audio and visual, you will have to translate a phrase, and match it to a picture, or organize words in the correct order, while translating, pretty awesome right!?  Free and functional always gets my vote, so for those who cannot get my fave language resource Mango, here you go, a good program for all!

Craftsy

Ever wanted to learn a new skill, like knitting, jewelry making, crochet, cake decorating, how to make a hand bag, any one out there curious about these things?  Anyone have kids who have asked you how to do these things, and you are left scrambling to figure it out, before attempting to teach them?  Well, Craftsy is here to help, they have tons of videos to teach you how to do tons of different skills, with a large database of creations, see one you like, just click it to your wish list, and go back to watch it later, perfect for those winter afternoons, or rainy summer days!!

Kids Country Quiz  in their own words

“Kids Country” is an educational game for children on world geography, with the position of the countries on the globe, their plan and their national anthem.
Firstly, they discover the location of the countries, their map and the national anthem in discovery mode, then check their knowledge by quiz questions in a playful way.

Kids Connect Lite

A simple game to help kids recognize the order or numeration, and alphabet, fun dot-to-dot type of game, with multiple puzzles to choose from.  The paid version of the app has more puzzles, but the free version has a good selection, perfect for young learners.

Rhythm Cat

Rhythm Cat is a fun app created with musicians, to help teach and strengthen your childs understanding of reading music.  The levels get progressively harder, and teach sound music reading skills for rhythm, notes and reading ahead,a s well as how tolisten to themselves as they play.  Hurry to get this one, as it was free today, but may not be for long!!

The post Free App Saturday appeared first on A Families Love.

referral photo

This is the story of parenting Sparkle Girl, adopted from Ethiopia at the age of 4 1/2, bright, sweet, funny, protective Sparkles, we knew you so little, poor baby.
When we adopted Sparkles it was so easy, she was sweet, attentive to instruction, incredibly bright and versatile, enthusiastic and generous. She was a dream adoptee, sadly, I had no idea it was not really a dream at all, but more of a mirage, that with every passing day became more of a impenetrable shell. Sparkles was great, she learned English fast, wanted to help out all the time, and was a quick study, if you wanted her to do something, just show her slowly once, and boy howdy she had it!!
This of course was a survival technique, learned to adapt to strange care centers, with new languages and foods, a device she used to protect herself, but more importantly Little Man, who was at times her sole reason for being, at least in her little mind.
One of the first good things we did for Sparkles was remove the burden of care for her brother off her shoulders, not that she appreciated the gesture, no way, you would have thought I was amputating her(which in a big way I was), but gradually like all amputees, she adjusted. She even grew to be unconcerned if he cried and fussed for a few minutes.  She had come to trust that I would care for him. Not for her, but for him, she trusted me with him, with her, the shell grew harder every day, and I was unaware.
This is the sneaky, insidious part of this whole adoption attachment thing, it sometimes looks ideal. A child who sweetly obeys a parental request, who kindly gets toys for a younger brother, who follows you around wanting to help, may just be a great kid, or they may just be a child who is hiding behind a facade, getting lost to themselves in their own shifting maze of mirrors.

We are of the latter group, Sparkles was lost inside herself, cut off from the rest of us, watching, it was an eerie feeling to see her and know she was not really “there” with us, that she was inside somewhere waiting to see what would happen next.  She never said “no” to anything, never  really rebelled once we got on our planes to head home, she just buried herself and her wants inside and went along.  She was really good at going along, creating nary a ripple, but inside was a whole ‘nother story, and we really had to open that story up, and wade our way through it.

Over time we learned some great techniques, some from other adoptive parents, some by accident, some from amazing therapists who really sought, with us, to reach this lonely little child.  We learned so much from early Intervention, and their addition to our lives, and home, for the time we had them, so so much!

In the coming days/weeks I will further explore and explain some of the tools we used, and still occasionally pull out of the toolshed, to parent therapeutically, what, on the outside seems like a brilliantly adjusted, smart-as-all-get-out girl. One who really is scared, frozen in fear, and barely able to communicate her needs, let alone work through them.

We are by no means experts, we flubbed it pretty badly for a long while, but we love to learn, we are willing to take risks if they are viable possibilities, and we desire to help all of our children reach the potential God placed in them.  So we stretch our vocabulary, brainstorm non-stop, and barrage every therapist we come into contact with, and are more than happy to share that wealth of knowledge, in the hopes that someone, somewhere will find it useful for their own little hidden gem.

The post Parenting therapeutically, part 1, our evolving story appeared first on A Families Love.

in comes operation “donuts”, the sweet fluffiness of 4 sweet white rock chicks, that no neighbor can complain about, mostly because they are in our house right now:-). They will be inside for a while, and safe so quiet no one could hear them over the house wrens nesting all around right now.  So, “donuts” are happily napping in their box right now, all downy and blonde, and yay for me GF too;-)

The post Operation “donuts” is under way:-) appeared first on A Families Love.

Now, I know that making Mac and Cheese from scratch is not typically on everyone’s mind when they need a quick go-to meal for a busy week night, but really, it could be, this comes together in about 10-15 minutes, especially if you have the GF White Sauce already made, if not, add 5-10 minutes to the total time, still doable right?!

Simple GF Mac and Cheese

1 c Gf White Sauce

1/2 c milk

4 oz cream cheese

3 Tbsp parmesan cheese

1/2 tsp dry mustard

2 tsp garlic powder

6 oz shredded sharp cheddar

3/4 lb pasta (your choice pasta, I have found no change to the recipe when you change the pasta type)

3 c chopped broccoli spears, or frozen chopped broccoli

Cook pasta according to package directions

while pasta is cooking, in medium pot, gently warm your white sauce on medium heat.

Add in your milk to your warming white sauce, and whisk to blend.  As the white sauce warms the two will blend together nicely.

Whisk in your dry mustard and garlic powder.

Once your milk and white sauce has started to bubble you can add in your cream cheese, parmesan cheese, and shredded sharp cheddar., gently whisk.

Keep whisking as the cheeses melt into the white sauce, after a few minutes they will smooth out and become a lovely cheesy sauce.

Taste your cheese sauce, adjust the spices according to your tastes, adding a pinch of salt and pepper to your family preferences.

Carefully put your broccoli into the cheese sauce and stir.

Allow the cheese sauce to bubble, cooking the broccoli(or thawing it) for a few minutes.

Voila, you are finished!

I always plate my pasta, then pour my cheese sauce over it, thus allowing for Hubby and my dad to have normal pasta, while the rest of us have GF pasta.

With a tossed salad this is a full meal, and you may even have leftovers, though not likely, we typically fight over who gets to eat the last of the cheese sauce out of the bottom of the pot:-)

For company, or a potluck you can simply pour your cooked pasta into a greased casserole dish, then pour on your cheese sauce, stir gently just a little, sprinkle with a bit more parmesan cheese, and bake for 10-15 minutes, to crisp up on top, mmmmmmm there will be no leftovers!!!

Enjoy this simple, but delicious dinner, made possible, or at least faster, by your stash of GF White Sauce in the fridge.

This recipe is partly from the awesome book by How to Feed Your Family for $75 a week, Mary convinced me that making my own mac and cheese really was not that hard, and boy was she ever right!!!

The original homemade mac and cheese recipe I blogged about is here, the new version is simpler and now Gf too, yay!!

This recipe was shared over at Slightly Indulgent Tuesday. Allergy Free Wednesday, and Vegetarian Mamma

The post Simple GF Mac and Cheese recipe from a basic White Sauce appeared first on A Families Love.

Have a wonderful sunday, and run the good race, no matter your race, do it to the glory of God.

The post Words for Sunday appeared first on A Families Love.

The kids are fascinated by them, they sit around the coop yard, watching, picking juicy bits of grass, violets or just plain weeds, to tempt the ladies to nibble from their hands.  They also, ahem dig into my compost pile and fling squiggly worms into the yard, much to the ladies delight, not so much the mama’s though, pleasedonotfeedthechickensallmywormsmygardenneedsthem:-)

Hubby told the girls straight away, either they laid good eggs, or they would be dinner, he did not much care which, riiiight, well, guess who posted about them first, and posted pics to FB?;-)  You guessed it, Hubby, he is a bit enamored with these feathery lovelies, I might get a bit jealous, but hey, they lay good eggs, so I can live with the competition.

Now if only the kids could settle on names for them we would be all set, but for now they are just “the girls” to me, though Henrietta Honeydew has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

The post Meet the girls… appeared first on A Families Love.

Also, I have not been posting much lately mostly due to a crazy busy schedule of yard work, neurology appointments(things are progressing quickly right now, more later on that front), a field trip to the science museum with the family, and chicken coop building!

Yup, you read that right, we are currently prepping for a chicken move in, non-hostile takeover:-)  Are we clucking crazy, or what??!!  Possibly, but hey, it should be fun, and who doesn’t need yet one more thing dependent on them for feeding and care;-)  It will be fine, now that my super-duper wonderful Hubby has finished the coop.

I should mention now, this is not how you should go about building a chicken coop, ours is only built due to my Hubby’s patience,and perseverance, and not by my great directions, or anything else, I did an awful job of planning out this coop for Hubby, but he managed to make it into a pretty slamming home none the less!!

Poor man, he had no idea what this coop should consist of, and I gave only vague instructions, and a truly awful sketch to go with them, so, he tore apart a whole small garden shed, and outfitted it for the girls.  Then, once nearly complete I mentioned that they need a window for ventilation, and proper egg laying in the winter, so, back off came  a wall.  Then I mentioned that they also needed a nice ramp to get to the upper floor, oh yes, these girls have a multilevel home now, lucky birdies!!  So, into the coop he went to cut the hole, and once that was done I hemmed and hawed, but finally mentioned that he also should make a trap door that could cover the ramp opening at night,chickens don’t like drafts!  This required some slick engineering and eye hooks, so that I can raise and lower the trapdoor to the ramp, from outside the coop, my Hubby is a genius!!

Also a saint, since once this was all done, and the flip down door ready, behind the nesting boxes, I realized that there was no roosting bar, Hubby had no idea they even needed one, the poor dear, so we had to pull off the wall again, to install a roosting bar for chickie sleeping habits!!  Oh, and did I mention that there is also no door on the lower screened in porch level yet?  Hmm, only just mentioned that to Hubby, in a text, this morning, but since he is still sleeping, ye shall all know this before him, the poor man:-)

The darling man, my Hubby was wonderful and patient, about building and rebuilding the coop so many times, and will truly enjoy his first omelette made from our own fresh free range eggs, in a few days time:-)

So today I go, collapsible dog crate in tow, to pick up the ladies, and get them settled, yay!!  Pictures to follow I am sure, as the dogs will go crazy over this new attraction:-)

The post A Winner, and how not to go about building a chicken coop:-) appeared first on A Families Love.